Shoot me if I ever mention the M word

In the corner under the plasma screen where we're watching Celtic play Porta in the UEFA cup final there are two couples drinking together. The girls are drinking something orange and the boys are drinking Guiness. The boys fancy themselves as a couple of comedians. They are trying very hard with their bestest jokes to make the girls laugh. Its like a comedy contest. (I'm earwigging, forgive me). Turns out they're planning a best man speech - the groom is a fireman (which suggests there must be lots of appropriate material apparently), but they can't do gay jokes because there will be a couple of gays there (relations), the fireman jokes are a bit naff (hose jokes - heard em all before, although they were contemplating the shiny helmet variety!?!), the best man loved Les Dawson mother-in-law jokes but was going to be sat next to the mother-in-law later and it might be better not to get her back too far up before it all got going...so many decisions and he's not even in the marriage couple.

Theres a girl at work who is getting married in August - living together for the last 2 years, engaged just after new year, planning the wedding every day since then - we've had: the dress; the diet; the groom and other men's outfits (he's scottish, they'll be wearing kilts but not the family one because it isn't the right colours, and no knickers - the photographer said it might be a great shot to get them all with their kilts blowing up in the breeze, she thought "tasteful........NOT"); the wedding breakfast; caterers; reception venues; diet; bridesmaid's gifts; diet; honeymoon destination; hen night preparations; mother of the bride outfit + shoes; tiara; flowers; rings; diet; diet; diet. Such a fuss (I don't think I could even remember all the necessary things).

If I ever got married I think I might go to Vegas, get married in a little chapel of love with an Elvis impersonator leading the ceremony. Just about tacky enough and no need to invite 100 relations. And you could probably afford the honeymoon suite of one of the hotels on the strip, watch the dancing waterfalls and the pirates fight it out before putting $100 into the elvis slots (Auntie Delores tipped me about the Elvis Slots when we visited Vegas with her - they were good for big winnings if you weren't me).

Anyway, the double date seemed to be going very very well - they were drinking like fishes and paying absolutely no attention to the Celtic game until the last 5 minutes of the extra time when Celtic was in their loosing moments - except for the fact that one of the girls couldn't remember which one was Steve and which was Adam and one of the boys started talking about heterosexuals (I'm making assumptions but I'm assuming he wasn't one - management training this week - assumptions are bad). I left confused and the boyfiend couldn't believe I'd seen and heard all this, but there you go.