The Art of Street Snogging

There's been a bit of debate about public snogging recently - opinions have been given both for and against.

When I was younger (like late teens early 20s, when I still thought it was cool to sport pink hair and wear clothes that were worn out beyond make them into a duster state) I was a slave to emotions and would snog wherever took my fancy or rather whenever the passion arose. There were occasions when I managed to snog a new mate for an entire bus journey from Cambridge Circus to the depths of North London without drawing breath or looking up once, and other occasions when it was beyond our control and we had to snog in the middle of crowded pubs or on the doorsteps of pubs in front of the bouncers (and be moved on for making the entrance look seedy). So I fully admit to partaking in the whole public snogging thing. But I was young, frivolous and not easily embarrassed.

Gradually over the years there has been a subtle shift in my willingness to take part in public snogging and I sit here now and find my opinion on it has changed. I have even been known to utter those terribly middle-aged sounding words there's a time and a place for everything...

I feel the need to explain my position on this. Its not that I'm against kissing in public places ever. I think it is perfectly acceptable to kiss, even passionately kiss, in public at times. But I also think that the appropriateness of the activity is inversely proportional to the fervour with which it is undertaken. There have been plenty of times when on witnessing said activity the phrase get a room springs to mind.

In the middle 20s (re-living adolescence between serious relationships) we found great mirth in shouting fire! fire! around snoggers in crowded pubs and when really pissed would try to chuck ice chunks between the couple unnoticed - to make a point (sophomoric behavior played out in the King's Head Upper Street - I try never to go there anymore - it would be just too embarrassing if anyone remembered me and the tricks we used to get up to - however, they are more likely to remember my friend who had a penchant for flashing her small pert tits at the end of evening in the back room, but thats a whole other debate).

So I can forgive the youth the odd bout of sucky-face in inappropriate places - like in your way on the pavement, in record shops, restaurants, on public transport, even though it is quite vile to see the cheeks sucking in and out as tongues investigate the partner's mouth. They are usually confined to dark corners or the back of the bus after all. And if they are a particular age, its a brief time that should be relished where kissing was there instead of sex, or rather it led to sex but not for at least six months (if the relationship lasted that long) by which point you were fit to burst.

No, when its really unbearable is when you are enjoying a drink, or meal with friends or partner and there is a couple next to you who just can't give it up, when you know its the build up to a passionate night of bedroom action and they just go on and on and on, not leaving, not leaving, not leaving and finally come up for air when her hair is all messed up and they have lipstick smudged all round both their mouths. In this case they should just go and get a room. Or when one of them is having a sneaky grope at the same time as a snog. Or when one is obviously taking advantage of the other's inebriation to go further than they may ordinarily. Or like when I saw a middle aged (at the risk of sounding ageist) couple up against a tree in the park and he had his hand up her skirt and it felt a little desperate without anywhere to go, as if they were having an adulterous affair or something.

But there are places when passionate kissing is to be expected - train stations, airports, nightclubs, parties - any time partners are parting, or when its very late and partners are meeting for the first time.

Even in these situations there are some things that are good to keep in mind: keep juicy noises to a minimum, try to do a movie kiss - neat and tidy - press hard but don't sucky sucky, try not to grope your partner, always keep focused on your partner (nothing looks more untrustworthy than one member of the party looking over the shoulder of the other during the kiss), do come up for air at least every five minutes. Save all the rolling slobbering lips action for when you get home.