Umbrella Protocols

As I woke up this morning I could hear it was raining by the sound of it on the canal and the tree outside my window. The weather forcast said it had been raining but had stopped for the moment. I left the house while it had stopped, therefore I didn't take an umbrella. By the time I got off the bus on the way to work it had started to rain again. It got me thinking about why I always do this - instead of planning ahead I take an umbrella or not depending on what is happening outside at the time I step out of the front door. Which in turn got me thinking about the following:

When is it heavy enough to put up an umbrella?
Age old problem: when is it really raining? When the drops are light enough that they sort of float about on the wind without coming straight down they are usually not big enough to wet the umbrella, and light enough to float up underneath its edge - this is when it is probably not heavy enough to open the umbrella - it will do little good and the rain will not wet you anyway. Anytime when as you walk along you are actually getting wet you should use an umbrella.

Hair types and umbrellas
It sometimes amazes me which friends of mine are umbrella-users and which are not. HS who is a hiking in the hills and camping kinda girl, uses an umbrella even when the slightest drops are floating around in the air - this suprises me greatly. Until I thought about her hair type - very curly, prone to frizzing. Bails on the other hand (with dreadlocks), uses an umbrella only to keep shoulders dry and to stop that wet-wool-smell-thing happening and frequently finds she is without one. The most shocking thing I discovered recently was that shaven-headed and bald blokes are really big users of umbrellas. Where I think that umbrellas are a bit of a nuisance and would rather go without apart from the fact that having done the hair it would be really annoying if it should get ruined by the rain, I find that if I actually had no hair at all I would use one because the feeling of drops falling directly on the head is not very nice. So, that dispells the myth that I grew up with that the biggest umbrella fans are the hairdressed ladies.

Kids and umbrellas
Wouldn't they be better off with a waterproof coat with a hood and wellingtons?

Up or Down Under Railway Bridges?
Tricky, everytime I am on the way to work in the rain with the umbrella I think of this. As I walk from Seven Sisters up Stroud Green Road I have to pass under 6 railway bridges in row. I spend the walk thinking about maybe I should put the umbrella down because it isn't raining under this bit, and then pass under a huge drip or a thin open space where rain is coming down. As I passed this way this morning another woman was debating the same thing - you could tell because she was doing that thing where you wave it over your head and then down in front of you to check how drippy the drips are. Still unsure of the answer. So for now, up I think - at least you know then that the pigeons won't shit on you (the other thing I deliberate about on the way under these bridges - best route to avoid being pooped upon).

Covered but Outside
I know the answer to this one - when walking through spaces which are large and definitely feel like outside but have a roof on them - bus stations, malls, petrol stations, etc umbrellas can be brought down.

Who Raises to Enable Smooth Flow?
Pedestrian road sense - who should raise their umbrella over the top so two umbrella users can pass in the street without getting tangled up or crashing? Generally I would say the tallest person should raise their umbrella, however when a short person has a large umbrella (e.g. a golf umbrella) they should be aware that they should be raising it the highest because it will be the hardest to navigate around (if this is not going to be possible they should be the one to move out of the way). It is important in this case to know what you are going to do so that it is obvious to all involved what your movements are going to be - this will help avoid the umbrella equivalent of both stepping right and both stepping left when trying to avoid bumping into coming pedestrians (both raise and crash, both lower and tangle).

Folding vs Straight
This is a personal preference thing entirely. For some its the convenience of the folding umbrella that is key. The smaller the better. To be able to carry the umbrella in ones bag or pocket is paramount. I, however, hate these types of umbrellas - they have no style or panache, they come in disgusting patterns, and they don't hold up against a wind. So naturally I never carry umbrellas around just in case it rains (hence getting caught in the rain). I do have a couple of folding umbrellas at the office for emergencies. But my umbrella of choice is a black ladies umbrella from John Lewis, edged with a white trim and shaped in a manner that it curves to a point in the middle - it is not too heavy or too long to carry over the arm (unlike my father's gentlemen's umbrellas), and is wider than a folding umbrella. I was even once walking along towards a couple of chaps and one of them said to the other, "what a lovely brolly", which is exactly what I thought when I bought it.

Which Leads on Nicely to When Blown Inside Out
Try to get the umbrella back the right way as quickly and with as little fuss as possible. Don't swear or throw a tantrum. This happens to those folding types. The worst sort are the ones with two fold points. If you can't handle it get a straight one.

Golf Umbrellas
These are about as useful in the city as four wheel drive vehicles. Yes they are big in that overblown I've got a lot of money to throw around self important kind of a way. But they take up too much space, they are heavy, they don't have a hook and they are often adorned with advertising. However, if you are going to have one, be citizenly - encourage others to stand under it with you when waiting to cross at junctions or at bus stops.

Disposal
Umbrellas are like shopping trolleys - they end up on the side of the road like dead animals, in canals, on rubbish tips etc. Personally I've never had an umbrella until it breaks - they always get lost first. But make sure you try to get it in the bin properly.


So whatever you do, where ever you are - take care of yourself and each other - try not to have anybody's eye out.