How to Cope With a Cold

• Wake up slowly in the morning, making sure you give yourself plenty of time to raise your head from the pillow (any sudden action will result in you feeling suddenly and violently dizzy or sick.


• Take a cold and flu remedy of some sort, or paracetemol. Drink hot lemon and honey. Take echanacea and vitamin C. You will feel totally drugged up in various ways (natural and chemical).


• If, like me, you loath to take time off work for a cold (I once went over my allocated sick days in a rolling year and was threatened with occupational health visit - which I decided meant that I would never be able to take a day sick for a cold again otherwise what kind of wasted visit was that - hour trip into Harley Street, sit talking to the doctor, do you like your work, are you motivated, are you fit for work? and then sent back with a letter proclaiming your fitness) you must struggle in but make sure you load yourself with tissues, rememdies and cough sweets (I like cherry soothers best until the sharp shell starts cutting my tongue - hate the taste of blood with cough sweet).


• Make sure the person who gave it to you is fully aware of what they have done to you (at this time of year, seeing as how we spend so much time with them, it invariably is a colleague who has bestowed their germs on you - tell them this fact).


• Eat a cooked lunch if possible. Drink hot chocolate with it. Or peppermint tea. Or more lemon and honey.


• Wear a scarf if you are cold. Try not to be cold.


• Wash up only your own cup - don't transfer the germs onto other people's crockery.


• Go home early and wrap up in the duvet watching TV (this is about the only time when I can stand to watch it for hours and hours on end).

Don't do any of the following (they will make you feel worse): go to meetings where you have to do the majority of the talking, do activities that require you to stand around outside a lot, visit smoky pubs after work for a quick drink, drink two leathal cocktails (very pissed and coldy), suck over the recommended dosage of throat lozenges (dizzy, sick and coldy).