Tuesday, 6 July 2004

Stages of a Trip

Tripping is most common when inebriated, however it can also occur at other times for a variety of reasons such as wearing a new pair of shoes (particularly ones with a particularly different shape to your normal ones - like having very pointy toes), council neglect of pavements paved with slabs (you can get money from them for this if the offending paving stone is over a particular height out of line), or taking a dark route when having just stepped out of a brightly lit pub. My own trip followed the last example here - and no I had not been drinking, honestly.

  1. Unassuming walk under some trees on the way home after dark. Not drunk (really, its true).
  2. Darkness led to inability to see two branches, therefore stepped on the first and slid one way, in recovery stepped on the other and slid the other way. Way scary. Fell onto side on the grass.
  3. Lying on the grass dealing with pain stabbing through the ankle. Rolling around in agony. Concerned friends.
  4. Finally laughter. Following acute embarrassment. Falling over is always embarrassing - we are not 'old people' after all. And we rarely manage to make it as graceful as Naomi Campbell in those shoes. Its all agony, spewn out bag contents (lipstick, condoms, tampons, change rolling, eyelash curlers - any combination as befits the bag owner), knickers flashed and torn tights. And then being snappy with caring passers by because actually you'd rather the ground swallow you up rather than actually gratefully receive some help (we're nuts really - its only the embarrassment talking).
  5. Some discussion around likely injury - twisted or broken. Wish I could remember the actual level of pain a broken leg was (did do that when I was 11) because I'm certain that it must be worse than a severe twist but really its hard to compare after all these years. Twist is the final prognosis.
  6. Getting up, getting on the bus for one stop, changing buses - all fine. The final walk up the hill to home takes longer than usual but not too bad. Pain sets in. Hobbling.
  7. Preparation for the night - ice pack, wrapped in towels, painkillers, ankle raised on cushions over the level of the heart when horizontal. Ice so cold that it hurts.
  8. On waking put a stretch bandage on. Spend day with foot up in bed watching Sunday's crap TV - including Pop World, Hollyoaks, Big Brother repeats (sad sad), some of East Enders (as much as can stomach), tennis, followed by football, Big Brother: the psychology episode. Square eyes.
  9. Bandage taken off for the night. In the morning a lovely purple and yellow florid bruise appears.
  10. Take as much time off as is fitting for the injury. So far by third day (second day off work) its still painful to walk on and hobbling is the only option. Probably go back tomorrow and hopefully the days with raised ankle and mind-numbing daytime tv will help a swifter recovery (although have discovered again, that they have ER repeats and a great programme called Third Watch, after that it all goes down the pan with antique sales, house make-overs and tidying up programmes - I've not only got square eyes but a headache).
  11. The crap on TV makes it a joy to go back to work. And there will be sympathy due to the pathetic hobbling, at least for a day or so.

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