Saturday, 27 September 2008

A man walks into a bar

Man in a pale grey suit walks up to the bar, peels off his false mushtache, puts it in his pocket and orders a drink. Leaning against the bar he tries to get a hair out of his mouth, repeatedly picking at it iwth his finger and thumb. Something is odd about his suit - it seems to fit right - arms are long enough but not too long, legs are the right length, just something doesn't seem quite right. Maybe something to do with being in disguise.

Friday, 26 September 2008

Posh Shopping

Me: going to the ribbon shop on Marylebone High Street (eek - when I got there it had turned into a bed linen store, fortunately the clerk knew where it had gone to - just round the corner, phew). After the purchase of a particular kind of velvet piping that can be sewn into a seam (only place I know that sells it) I'm an interloper on an expensive street and suddenly become very aware of my fraying coat cuffs as I rub shoulders with women in tres chic macs, expensive brocade or fur jackets and £200 patent leather pumps. How the other half live.

Afterwards I pop into Selfridges where its ok to be a bit edgy (that'll be me in my old coat then) alongside the designer clobber.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008


It was beetroot carrot and ginger, thick like blood, stained teeth like red wine. I dutifully took a sip when offered a try, it was heavy with the flavour of earth and tangy. The baby decided to dunk her dummy in it, sucked it and instantly burst into tears. Sobbing. Obviously not expecting the repugnant taste. Personally I would have done the same except that I'm an adult and such behaviour is not expected.

Monday, 22 September 2008

Burgeoning Big WoWo

(Its a quote from a teeshirt...not sure what it means but it does feel like a fanfare which is fitting when I'm bringing you fashion tips). White teeshirts are in this year. So are bras in multitude of colours, with lace, sparkles, beading, polka dots and embroidery. Don't go so well together, despite there being a lot of it around.

Huge breasted girl in a vest with a pink/red/yellow stripped bra underneath. Small breasted girl with black bra with pearls on under her white teeshirt (Big WoWo). Somehow leaves nothing to the imagination. Which is a bad thing... or perhaps that's just me.

Friday, 19 September 2008

Autumn Night

Cold seeps out from the dark park through the open gates. Chills the ankles and creeps up the legs. In the park the dew must have fallen. Tall trees tower overhead and hold the cold air down.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Fair Purchase Policy

The checkout chick wouldn't let the Chinese woman ahead of me buy 50 packs of instant freeze dried noodles with bacon bits. She was only allowed to buy 10. It came to £1.10. I was amazed. (Partly because I can't imagine anyone else even wanting such a thing, I would have thought they'd be glad to be rid of it).

I'm hoping he didn't think he looked like a woman because he really really looked like a balding fat middle aged man in women's clothing. He'd made no effort - no wig, no make-up, not even a shave today really - apart from his pink v neck sweater worn backwards, jean skirt and spike heel boots (that were rather worn down - obviously not their first outing). Perhaps its the feel of the clothes. Or something.

Two women do make-up - compacts held aloft, eyes wide, lids pulled up or down, sticks of kohl and mascara wands held dangerously close to their eyeballs as we lurch along the track. All the suits were pinstripe. Perhaps its the fashion. One an unusual beige, worn with a pink and white candy stripe shirt, picking his nose with his left hand that sported a heavy gold wedding band.

We attempt not to trip up our fellow commuters as they struggle to alight through the standing throngs.

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Hearing the click-clack tapping of a blind man's cane [Tom Waits - Gun Street Girl]
Or, Secrets from the Blind Man's World

Did you know that there are little cones on the bottom of the green-man button box that turn round when the green man is showing so that blind people can tell when it is safe to cross. I didn't. But I checked a few yesterday evening and they really are there. I'm on a course at the moment with a visually impaired person (also referred to as a VIP) who was giving us a brief awareness raising course.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Vote for the Most Depressed Day of the Year

Its grey, its been raining heavily. Today is the 9 September, its drizzled, its dreary and it didn't really get bright all day. I woke up with an overwhelming sense of gloom probably due to bad dreams that were brought on by being scared by noises in the night (bad foxes). It didn't lift on the way to work and when I got out of the tube the street was wet again. In work it was afflicting a number of other colleagues and the atmosphere was much dampened.

So, I raise the motion that September the 9th is the most depressed day of the year. I base my motion on the fact that the sun has barely shone the whole summer and despite hopes for an Indian summer it appears that we are well and truly heading for winter. The nights are drawing in noticably already. I'm going to start my holiday fund for next year. I need enough to get somewhere hot and guaranteed sunny - doesn't have to be interesting. I just need at least 12 hours vitamin D generation for a couple of weeks.

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Fly Trap

I bought these two venus fly traps because they were on show at the checkout at Homebase. I was in the middle of a fly-problem at home (its been another summer of pest-problems - first a dead rat, then the flies... nightmare) and was trying anything as a possible means of conrol - there are sticky fly thingys, a blue light and now these.

I took them home, put them on the window sill and didn't really expect them to contribute to the war on bluebottle. However, they have so far caught 14 flies between them. 14! And not just little ones either - proper blue bottles that they can hardly get their lips round. I'm impressed.

Monday, 1 September 2008


Late in the evening I stood in the warm evening air watering the garden and something bit me on the foot. In the night I must have scratched it. By the morning it was swelling up and red and itchy like mad. Later that day it was moving around my foot skin - it was up my ankle and is now working its way down the foot into my toes. Its a bit freaky. I've only developed this kind of reaction to insect bites recently which I find suprising.